The Shock of Something New

Let me talk more about dying my hair.

I have been thinking about dying my hair blonder for a few months. My natural hair started getting darker with each day that passed and I started missing my blonde highlights that I had a few years before. I had talked about getting highlights, specifically balayage, a specific way of highlighting your hair. The only thing I was waiting for was the money to do it and the right time.

Then came the cancelling of my trip to Boston that I was beyond excited to experience. I was supposed to be visiting my best friend who had recently moved there after graduating and who I had not seen in months. I missed her incredibly and was hungry for adventure and new experiences. I was feeling so bored with my life and discontent in the season I was in. I was craving something new and exciting and to say I was READY to experience that in Boston with my friend, is an understatement.

When the COVID-19 pandemic began growing more serious, I had a feeling that the trip would be canceled. So even before it was officially cancelled, I made an appointment to get my hair dyed. When the trip was cancelled I was disappointed, but had this exciting experience to cover that up.

Friday morning came around and I was thrilled to wake up looking as one person and leaving the salon a few hours later looking somewhat different. I thought this new hair would fit in well with who I am now and who I was wanting to grow into.

I loved the experience of talking to my hair stylist and getting to know a little about her life. How she was doing in the midst of all the uncertainty and her opinions about tattoos and hair. When it came time to wash the dye out, I started getting nervous. She was drying my hair and I was not sure I liked how it looked. My hair was much blonder than I originally anticipated. I began to panic and talking myself out of freaking out. She finished and touched off the new look with some curls. SLOWLY it grew on me, but I still left the salon uncertain.

I FaceTimed my friend who I was supposed to visit and her reaction confirmed that I did not make a wrong decision. As time went on, I felt excited to walk down the street every day with this new look. As each day passed, I began to love my hair and love how blonde it was.

It is true that newness can be a shock sometimes and I am not going to make it look good with the first try. Most days I am still trying to learn how to style this new hair and how to make it look good when it is simply air dried. But how am I going to move forward and grow when I am not willing to step into the newness that is in front of me? There are so many things I think, talk, and dream about doing. But how many of those things do I actually do and move forward with? I do not want to be someone who settles for the simple because everyone around me is doing it. I want to carve out my life and make choices that are bold and scary. But that often takes making those decisions in fear and uncertainty. However, that is where life really is found, in the fear and uncertainty. And maybe in that I'll discover an aspect of myself I did not even know was there.